Recently, I dreamt of painting. In my mind's eye, I saw a magnified shape, cropped so that all I saw was one shape at a time. I was focused on the white space, empty except for a number, and then I saw my paintbrush filling it in with color. It’s as if my brain is designing a beautiful picture step by step but only letting me see one space at a time.
I’ve been a paint-by-number enthusiast since January. I’m on my 9th canvas now. Painting helps ground me in the present moment. It keeps my mind from ruminating on the past or the future because there is a task at hand to occupy it. I’m permitting myself to spend hours doing something I love even if it doesn’t make money, organize a space, or contribute to the greater good of mankind. It feels good to play in this way, especially during the winter months when the weather kept me indoors.
Like many moms, I’ve been feeling anxious about school being out. There are budget changes, schedule changes, overeating because of boredom, and new rules to enforce for chores and screen time… blah! As a result, my breathing has become shallow, my neck has been tight, and my head has felt achy.
My body response alerted me to well-worn survival patterns that I’m trying to rewire. The trigger (headache and sore neck muscles) is letting me know that this reminds me of something uncomfortable from my past. I have been spending time getting curious about my memories of summertime as a child to find out what feels so unsafe or painful about it. Part of an answer came this morning as I read an email from Martha Beck, an author and life coach whose wisdom is so relatable. She was teaching about “The Eureka Effect”, which is a sequence to finding your “Ah-ha!” moment.
Martha Beck explained it this way…
1) First, there is an investigation stage where anxiety causes us to research.
2) Then we move on to being baffled over how to solve the problem. We feel stuck.
3) Next, we end up letting go or taking a break which leads to
4) a sudden insight when we least expect it.
I recognize the beauty of the dance between the right and left hemispheres. The Eureka Effect implements creativity as well as logical reasoning. They need each other and they need to hand off to each other to complete the process.
Our anxiety causes us to problem-solve. This is a necessary step. Don’t shush it too much. Listen to the triggers. If there’s a problem, don’t you want to know about it so you can address it? The answer is “yes” (I know some of you, including me, say “no” sometimes). If we say "no", problems just stack up on each other (like dirty dishes in the summertime) and then we are too overwhelmed to do anything about it. When it finally gets intolerable, and you find yourself eating with toothpicks and spatulas, you are forced to take action. You either eat takeout or wash the dishes. At this point you’re not even thinking about a solution to the problem, you’re just thinking about how you’re going to eat the next meal.
The right hemisphere of the brain is the creative side. When we let go of finding a solution, either consciously or by giving up hope, it takes over and continues to unconsciously work out the problem (even in our sleep). You could say it plays with all the details that the left hemisphere researched and collected. When I paint or put together a puzzle it gives my left hemisphere a break. It gives it a reason to let go and focus on something else. Washing dishes, going for a walk, organizing a shelf, or practicing yoga are other things that help give the problem-solving part of me a break.
My “Ah-ha” came this morning while washing dishes. I wondered what my child self would want to do for fun this summer. I’m trying to reconnect with the younger parts of myself that have long been buried. My younger self liked horses, designing Barbie clothes, dressing up, singing, hearing/listening to stories, crafts, and being outdoors. I’d like to plan out some artists’ dates (as suggested in the book, The Artist’s Way) that are fun and inspiring in these ways. I hope that it will usher in the answers to the budget, boredom, and chores problems I don’t know how to solve.
If you, dear reader, have any suggestions for places to go or things to do in Kansas related to that list, please share a destination link in the comments! I’ve been feeling a tug to create a group event of some kind that offers a way for people to take a break from their anxiety to play this summer. The idea is still forming in my mind but if you’d like to join me for some of these adventures dm me on Messenger and I’ll send you the details when I have them. Also, let me know if you would be interested in attending a women’s overnight retreat where the intention would be centered around hearing the answers within you.
Here are a few of my Artist Dates ideas so far:
Kanopolis Lake (maybe kayak there?)
Pickleball at Chicken N Pickle
Walk Off The Earth concert at Oklahoma City Zoo
Guided horseback riding
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