My mind keeps returning to my new year’s vision board and naming my year. I’m leading two different workshops on this topic in January, so the teacher in me is in planning mode. This year I’m starting a little bit earlier than I usually do because I wanted to lean into the energy of the Winter Solstice… coming out of the darkest day into increasingly more light. I’ve also signed up to participate in a visioning e-course that will offer quarterly group check-ins to realign us with our goals of who we want to be in 2024. I just love the idea of creating a vision of who I want to become instead of making a list of goals to accomplish. This process will consist of evaluating the past year and taking inventory of what went well, what my challenges were, and what I learned from both. Then, saying goodbye to the things of the past that no longer help me grow so I can invest in the people, programs, and things that nourish my soul.
Two years ago, I envisioned starting this blog to help me get comfortable being seen and heard. My name for the year 2022 was Unhurried Asking and the title of my first blog post. The following year, in January 2023 I got sick just as I began making my vision board and thinking about naming my year. It took me until June to finish it...how’s that for unhurried? My first blog post of this year was about permitting myself to stay home from work to rest. I was loathing the idea of being home alone after a recent breakup. I found comfort in painting. January was when my love for paint-by-number art started. Painting taught me to practice being present instead of ruminating on the past. I think it’s funny that the topic idea I had this morning was about hurry sickness. It feels serendipitous when recurring patterns enter my conscious awareness. I just have to smile. It feels like a God-wink as if the universe is patiently reminding me of this important life lesson.
What is hurry sickness, you ask? It’s not acknowledged as a technical diagnosis in the medical field but because it affects emotional and physical health it has become a well-known term to many psychologists. The term hurry sickness was coined by cardiologists Meyer Friedman and Ray Rosenman to describe their research findings that the emotions and behavior associated with stress, especially hostility, time urgency, and insecurity, contributed to the onset of atherosclerosis and myocardial infarctions. It’s defined as a malaise in which a person feels chronically short of time, and so tends to perform every task faster and gets flustered when encountering any kind of delay.
Rosemary K.M. Sword, author, and co-developer of time perspective therapy says, “We’ve come to know this habit as multitasking. Many people who’ve incorporated multitasking into their lives are proud of their ability to do more than one thing at the same time.” In our quest for efficiency, we lose other valuable things such as peace, health, and relational connectedness.
According to an article on Healthline.com by Crystal Raypole, hurry sickness symptoms show up in numerous ways such as:
speeding, both in your car and through conversations, the grocery store, or meals
rushing through work tasks and household chores, to the point where you sometimes make mistakes and must do them over,
frequently performing time calculations in your head to see whether you can fit in more tasks, feeling irritable when you face delays,
constantly trying to find ways to save time, endlessly running through your to-do list in your head to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything.
Hurry sickness feels like a driving need to make the most of every second. The feeling of constantly being behind and rushed is what causes this stress and anxiety. If you are experiencing hurry sickness, you may feel like you're always racing to accomplish tasks on your to-do list, leading to frustration if anything holds you up. Furthermore, relaxation and alone time are usually the first “unnecessary” activities we ditch when we feel rushed. It’s all too easy to eat on the run, go to bed later, and skip going for a walk when we don’t have time for all the things on our list. Chronic stress can lead to burnout, tiredness, and an inability to cope with life.
Every person’s level of tolerance for multitasking, busyness, and hurry is different. Extroverts can thrive with more relational activities. Introverts will need more alone time to recharge their energy levels before they feel willing and able to authentically engage. It’s important to remember that each person has different desires and needs than you do. It’s also important to remember to ask for what you need and take care of it yourself if possible. Don’t wait for others to read your mood or offer to help. If you need a vacation to recover from your vacations, this is a sign that you’re doing too much. Setting a few boundaries to prioritize your health will require you to start saying “no” to some of the things that drain your energy which allows you to say “yes” to the things that nourish you.
Years ago, I watched a movie called Click (2006) starring Adam Sandler, which depicts what happens to the main character who is always in a hurry to fast forward through the difficulties of life with his magical remote-control device. In the end, he loses his family and health because he is unable to enjoy what he has. Growing through the hard times together is what makes us closer to each other. This past summer, I took a course titled, The Compassion Method by Laura Duncan where she teaches a method for overcoming triggers ironically called The Remote-Control Exercise. In episode 6 of her podcast Triggered and True, she explains how to do the opposite as the movie Click, and to press “pause” on the impulse to rush through a trigger. She teaches how to pause and comfort yourself through it so you can enjoy life more.
The solution to hurry sickness is better self-care. Here are some simple ways to get back into a sustainable pace of life, that is more enjoyable. Go ahead and say “yes” to the following things so that you can be the best version of yourself in the world.
Go for a walk. Spending time in nature will help you feel grounded and adding any kind of movement helps work out the tight muscles that we often get from tension. Walking also brings more oxygen into the body which is helpful for numerous reasons.
Practice deep breathing or mindfulness. If you are unable to exercise, even just 10 to 15 minutes of deep breathing will make a difference. There are a multitude of apps and free videos to help guide you. Mindfulness practices help ground you in the present so you can get better at letting go of the past and future worries. Start small by committing to taking 15 minutes for yourself just twice a week. Once you start feeling better it will be easy to fit more into your week.
Treat your body well. Don’t underestimate the power of these foundational habits. Eating healthy meals, sleeping 8 hours a day, and staying hydrated with 80 to 100 oz of water a day are the most important things you can give yourself that will have the biggest and longest-lasting effects.
Prioritize relaxation. Spending time with friends and companions, reading a book, playing a video game, or just allowing yourself time to “putter” so your mind can wander will help you unload stress. Going for a swim, painting, swinging in my hammock, and taking a bubble bath are my favorite ways to take some “me time”. Start doing more of what you love to do.
When I look back at the last 12 months, I can see the ways I invested in self-love and self-compassion. I like the results of nourishing my soul in this way, and I want to continue that journey into 2024. I don’t want to be stuck looking in the rearview mirror (reflecting on old stories) for too long. Yes, it’s beneficial to glance at them and remember the lessons we learned from our past challenges but it’s best to focus on the road ahead. It reminds me of a time at the end of my marriage when I had a vision of how I was allowing others to drive me places I didn’t want to go. I often think of that analogy and share it with others as a tool for reflection. I’ll share it with you, too.
In my vision, I was sitting in a parked car in the driveway with my husband. Just like in a dream when the characters are different in some way and yet you know it’s them, my husband appeared as a young child. He was standing in the driver’s seat playing pretend and turning the steering wheel as if he was driving. I was in the passenger seat, and I held up the keys to him asking, “Do you want to drive?” He enthusiastically nodded and reached for the keys, but he didn’t know what to do with them. I knew that if I instructed him, he would attempt to drive us somewhere even though he couldn’t reach the pedals or see the road ahead. He didn’t know any of the driving laws or have a license to drive either. If I enabled him to drive I would be putting us both in danger as well as others. In addition, he wouldn’t be able to take me where I wanted to go. He desperately wanted me to let him drive and genuinely believed he could, but it was time to tell him that I didn’t want him driving me anywhere… even if he couldn’t understand why.
This analogy helps me to have compassion for others as well as forgive myself. When frustrating things happen to me, I like to use it as a mirror to ask myself, “In what ways have I done the same things?” This vision gave me guidance for my future at the time, and it also showed me that there are parts of myself that believe I can achieve the impossible too. When I interpret dreams, I like to consider that each of the characters is possibly representing different parts of myself. Parts of me feel exiled or unwanted (the immature child who has big dreams of all she can do). I also have protective parts of myself (following all the rules to ensure safety) that will stop the exiles from dreaming too big. Part of me believes all things are possible. At the time, I believed that I could make my marriage work if I just followed what the therapist told me to do. I genuinely thought that with enough effort, perseverance, prayer, and faith I could achieve my goal of staying together. Whatever the matter, the point is that we all have parts of ourselves that are in denial or are hurting and enabling others. We also have hope and faith in miracles. We need them both to bring us harmony and balance. I try not to judge others when the things they hope and believe in are different than the things I have faith in. Similarly, when others react from their pain or denial, I try to remember that I do too, just in different ways or situations.
Everyone has their own set of traumas they are trying to comfort. I’ve learned not to take everything so personally. People aren’t intentionally hurting others. They are trying to comfort their pain because they feel wounded and unsafe. These feelings put every triggered person in a state of fight or flight. There’s a sense of urgency, and a hurried feeling to it. Panic and adrenaline flood our system to enable us to alleviate the uncomfortable feelings. Sometimes we make impulsive and unconscious choices. Other times, we take the time to respond from a place of authenticity. Richard Schwartz, author of No Bad Parts (a book about how to use the Internal Family Systems to comfort our unwelcomed parts), identifies this soul-led decision-making place of authenticity with these eight characteristics.
Compassion
Creativity
Curiosity
Clarity
Calm
Confidence
Courage, and
Connectedness
These are the attributes I hope to embody more of in 2024. If you look at them, you will find that many of them can’t be rushed. The fruit of patience is peace. My goal is to make more decisions from a place of peace this year. They say we should become the change we want to see in the world. I long for peace for Israel and Palestine.
If you are local and interested in joining me for a guided workshop on naming your year and making a vision board, save the date for Sunday, January 21, 2024. It will be at the Hillsboro Public Library at 3 pm. You can register for $20 at the library (120 East Grand Ave). As always, if you have questions or want to work with me privately you can send inquiries to amelia.breugem@gmail.com. I wish everyone a Happy (and peaceful) New Year!